How do you deal with something in your life you don’t want? What really works when it comes to changing your life? Do you need to focus on the positive and pretend you aren’t upset? In my last post, I dealt with how to deal with change you don’t want, and the next four blog posts will continue that conversation.
I have some friends who are going through some tough things, some really tough things. One is being treated for cancer. Another is losing their house and another one has a daughter who is a drug addict. At one time, everything in their life was fine and then everything changed.
Most people aren’t dealing with things on that level. but, whatever your situation in life, I know things aren’t “perfect.” If you are in a situation you don’t want, how do you deal with it and come out the better for it?
There are some who would say to never think about the “negative.” They would tell you to just stay focused on the “positive.” Recently I was watching an interview with the Dalai Lama and the interviewer asked him “Do you ever get angry?” The Dalai Lama laughed and said “Of course, I’m human.”
Some “prosperity” teachers actually say we should never speak or entertain thoughts of that which we don’t want or we will attract the same into our life. I think that’s a gross oversimplification and a standard nobody can live up to. Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest.
There’s a big difference between facing and feeling what you are really thinking and feeling in the moment about a situation in your life and dwelling on “negatives” and letting them hold you hostage. As a former psychotherapist, I have helped clients deal with some of the worst things you can imagine. Even now as a coach, I help people deal with and transcend some things that cripple many people.
Here is my advice to you: If you are in a situation that has been overwhelming and you wished you didn’t have to deal with; be honest about what you think and how you feel about it. The truth will set you free.
Lying to yourself and saying “All is well” when it isn’t only creates an internal conflict. You will be doing a mental, emotional and spiritual tug-of-war” and it will wear you out over time. So, be honest with yourself.
Do some people get stuck at this point? Do they get stuck in the “This is horrible and there’s nothing I can do to change it?” Of course, but you know that already.
The problem isn’t that they are being honest about how they feel and what they think; the problem is they fail to find a way to make a shift to a higher level of consciousness, a higher level of thinking and feeling. The “problem” isn’t in their being honest about how they feel in any given moment; the “problem” is they haven’t yet found a way to transcend where they have been in their “problem.”
But what about “The truth will set you free”? How does being honest about how you feel about a situation square with transcending that situation?
Well, there are two kinds of truth when it comes to what we are talking about. There’s the truth about what you might be feeling about something in your life right now. Then there is another kind of truth that will set you free. It is the truth of a different and more empowering perspective about your situation. The kind of mental shift that shifts everything; including how you feel.
That’s why it’s been said that “When you change your thinking, you will change your life.” Or to put it another way, “As within, so without.”
So what should you do? Be honest about how you feel right now or shift your perspective? My professional experience tells me we don’t have to choose between the two. In fact, being honest about how you really feel right now can prepare you for the shift you want.
The bottom line? If you think your situation sucks, then say so. Feel it. Express it.
Then, when the time is right, shift your thinking and get a different perspective; a perspective that will open up doors to solutions and the kind of action that will create a different reality to you.
In my private practice as a psychotherapist for fifteen years, I worked with a lot of clients who had been sexually abused as a child or raped as an adult. I wasn’t about to tell them to just get over it and focus on the positive.
On the other hand, I didn’t tell them that it was therapeutic to stay in the pain and get have their life stolen from them either. Life is about balance. Balancing what is true for me in this moment (“I hate my life”) with what can be true for me in the next “moment” of my life.
So, you don’t have to choose between being honest with yourself in the moment with getting to a more powerful and liberating place in your thinking and emotions. You can have both.
What do you think? I would love to hear from you, just leave a comment below.
Categorized in: Life, Mastering Emotions, Mastering Stress & Overwhelm, Prosperity, Self-Esteem/Self-Worth, Self-Improvement
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