How often have you heard a therapist, coach or friend give someone the advice, “You need to let go of the past.” It sounds good, doesn’t it? The only problem is it doesn’t work. Huh? No, really, it doesn’t work. How many times have you tried to “let go” of the past and found yourself thinking about it even more?
Here’s what happens: You start with something from the past (even if it was a day ago) that was bothering you–you try to let it go–then you end up with not only what was bothering you from the past, but also your frustration of failing to”let it go!”
See why “letting go of the past” is a myth and bad advice? Here are two reasons you can’t “let go” of the past:
- It’s like trying to not think of a “white bear.” The very act of trying not to think about brings it back–again and again and again.
- The brain and subconscious mind doesn’t know how to let go of something–it only know how to take hold of something else.
Think of it this way: We cannot not focus on something–we can only switch our focus to something else.
Imagine a trapeze artist. They don’t actually let go of the trapeze bar they are on–they reach out and grab a different bar. In a technical sense, sure, they let go of the bar they are on–but it’s the act of reaching for the bar they want that allows them to do that.
If you want to resolve something in the past, you have to identify something that is important to you and focus on that. You have to take action on something you can actually impact. You can’t impact the past–it’s in the past and cannot be changed. But you can change the present (how you feel or what you do) by changing your thinking and your behaviors.
Bottom line! Quit doing what doesn’t work–trying to “let go of the past.” And how do you do that? By starting something else–focusing on what you can do now to get more of what you want.
Let me know what you think.
Categorized in: Life, Mastering Emotions, Mastering Stress & Overwhelm, Self-Improvement
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