The One Thing Everyone Craves—Including You
Whether it’s at work or at home, you’re surrounded by people who need something from you. When they clearly express what they want, life gets easier. But there’s one universal need we all have—and most people never say it outright.
William James, often called the “Father of Psychology,” summed it up perfectly:
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
Think about that for a moment. How often do people around you ask for appreciation? Almost never, right? Sure, they’ll tell you what they want you to do or stop doing. They might even express frustration. But very rarely will someone come out and say, “Please make me feel appreciated!”
Yet, appreciation is what drives us at the deepest level. Leaders, managers, spouses, parents, and friends who master the art of making others feel truly valued are the ones who build lasting relationships. They have the loyalty of those around them—people who will go the extra mile, follow them through thick and thin, and trust them implicitly.
Appreciation isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential.
Taking Others (and Yourself) for Granted
It’s easy to take people for granted. We all do it—whether it’s in the workplace, at home, or even with ourselves. Here’s how:
- In business: Salespeople take clients for granted, assuming they’ll always be there. But how often do they make clients feel appreciated in a way that truly matters?
- In relationships: Partners become complacent, assuming love or commitment will keep things going. But without consistent appreciation, the spark fades.
- With yourself: Most of us are our own worst critics. We get caught up in self-doubt or push ourselves too hard, rarely stopping to appreciate our own efforts and resilience.
And here’s the truth: failing to appreciate yourself is just as damaging as failing to appreciate others.
A Call to Action: Appreciating Others and Yourself
Take a moment to reflect. Who in your life deserves to feel appreciated today? Is it a colleague who has supported you? A friend or family member who’s been there through tough times? Maybe it’s you.
Here are two powerful questions to ask yourself this week:
- Who can I show genuine appreciation to today, and how will I do it?
- How can I appreciate myself, and does that feel uncomfortable?
If it feels awkward to appreciate yourself, you’re not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that valuing ourselves is selfish. But in reality, it’s essential for healing and growth—especially if you’ve been through trauma, spiritual abuse, or any form of adversity.
Appreciation is a powerful tool for recovery. Whether you’ve experienced controlling relationships or toxic environments, learning to appreciate yourself and others can help you heal, reconnect with your inner strength, and reclaim your life.
Ready to Start Your Journey?
If you’re reading this and realizing you’ve been neglecting your own need for appreciation—either from others or from yourself—it’s time to take action. Healing from trauma, spiritual abuse, or adversity requires a shift in how we see ourselves. And a big part of that is learning to appreciate who we are, where we’ve been, and the resilience we carry within us.
As a coach specializing in helping people recover from trauma and adversity, I’m here to guide you through that process. Together, we can work on healing the wounds of the past, reclaiming your sense of self-worth, and creating a future filled with self-appreciation and true happiness.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to reach out. Let’s talk about how you can not only survive—but thrive.
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